Do You Have What It Takes to Become a U.S. Citizen?

The following is a quiz given to those seeking to become naturalized citizens in the United States. (Click here to take it yourself and have it scored.)

When I first saw this, I couldn't help but wonder what might go through the minds of publik skool-edumakated Americans who read it (or, more likely, have someone read it to them)...

1. How many stripes are there on the U.S. flag?

_ 10
_ 13
_ 50
_ 51

I'm not sure. The people I see on the news usually burn it before I can count them.

2. Who is the chief justice of the Supreme Court today?

_ George W. Bush
_ Alberto Gonzales
_ Thomas Jefferson
_ John G. Roberts Jr.

Is that like a king or something?

3. In what year was the Constitution written?

_ 1776
_ 1787
_ 1876
_ 1812

This country has a Constitution?

4. Which of these is guaranteed by the First Amendment?

_ Freedom of the press
_ Right to bear arms
_ Right to happiness
_ Right to trial by jury

I have never heard of those before. By the way, I think "bear" should be spelled B-A-R-E. Must be a typo.

5. How many Supreme Court justices are there?

_ 3
_ 9
_ 10
_ 13

Well, I think the Justice League of America originally had seven members...

6. What are the first 10 amendments to the Constitution called?

_ The Preamble
_ The Bill of Rights
_ First Ten Amendments
_ Lewis "Scooter" Libby

Ha, ha, ha! "Scooter"!

7. When was the Declaration of Independence adopted?

_ July 4, 1776
_ July 4, 1787
_ July 4, 1812
_ July 4, 1876

Let's see. July 4 is called Independence Day. So, what year were fireworks invented?

8. Which of the following amendments to the Constitution does NOT address or guarantee voting rights?

_ 19th Amendment
_ 24th Amendment
_ 15th Amendment
_ 7th Amendment

I don't know. Whenever I vote, I just check off the names I hear most often on the news.

9. What are the 13 original states?

_ Connecticut, New Hampshire, New York, New Zealand, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Delaware, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Rhode Island, Maryland
_ Connecticut, New Hampshire, New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Rhode Island, Maryland
_ Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Kentucky, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Rhode Island, Maryland
_ Connecticut, New Hampshire, New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Rhode Island, Maryland, Washington, D.C.

I thought there were 50 states.

10. What do the stripes on the U.S. flag mean?

_ The Cabinet
_ One for each state in the Union
_ They represent the 13 original states
_ One for each article of the Constitution

Isn't it because Uncle Sam's pants have red and white stripes?

11. What is the introduction to the Constitution called?

_ The Preamble
_ The Bill of Rights
_ The Declaration of Independence
_ The Articles of Confederation

Again with the Constitution? I never hear any politicians use that word.

12. How many changes or amendments are there to the Constitution?

_ 9
_ 10
_ 13
_ 27

Seriously, what the #$@! is this "Constitution" they keep talking about?!

13. Which of the following is NOT one of the constitutional requirements to be eligible to become president?

_ Must be at least 35 years old by the time he/she will serve
_ Must have lived in the United States for at least 14 years
_ Must be a natural-born citizen of the United States
_ Must have served as a governor

Huh? The only thing I know about who gets to be president is that you have to be rich, belong to some secret society, or have a dad who was president.

14. Who selects the Supreme Court justices?

_ The Electoral College
_ The people
_ They are appointed by the president
_ The Senate

I seem to recall members of the Supreme Court being selected based on how they did on a TV quiz show hosted by Ted Kennedy.

15. How many representatives are there in Congress?

_ 50
_ 100
_ 102
_ 435

I knew there were 50 states! I can go back and answer question #1 now.

16. Who said, "Give me liberty or give me death"?

_ George Washington
_ Benjamin Franklin
_ Thomas Jefferson
_ Patrick Henry

Never heard of any of them. But what a dumb thing to say.

17. Why did the Pilgrims come to America?

_ In search of gold
_ To meet the Indians
_ For religious freedom
_ To escape the Revolutionary War

It wasn't because they were starving?

18. Who has the power to declare war?

_ Congress
_ The president
_ Chief justice of the Supreme Court
_ Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

Duh! That's easy. The President.

19. What INS form is used to apply to become a naturalized citizen?

_ Form N-200 "Petition for Naturalization"
_ N-400 "Application for Naturalization"
_ Social Security card
_ FD-258

I have a Social Security card, and I know I can't even rent a DVD without that number.

20. Which of these contains three rights or freedoms guaranteed by the Bill of Rights?

_ Right to life, right to liberty, right to the pursuit of happiness
_ Freedom of speech, freedom of press, freedom of religion
_ Right to protest, right to protection under the law, freedom of religion
_ Freedom of religion, right to elect representatives, human rights

What "rights"? Are they sure this question is about America? Must be another typo.